chestnutnola | Recent Entries

A long long time since my last post complaining about not writing. And not much has changed on that front. I've even stepped back from fandom to some extent, though still keeping up as best I can with the 00Q Reverse Big Bang. I think everything I said was true in my last post, I've been burned out, stressed, sick because of stress, and basically exhausted all the time. I haven't seemed to have been able to get myself out of my funk over the past almost two plus years.

Now, I really don't have a choice anymore. Things are changing and hopefully, fingers crossed, it will be a positive change.

My folks are elderly going on 83 years old, my mom has been struggling with dementia the last five or so years, and my pops has heart trouble, as well as physical limitations due to extreme arthritis. Needless to say, they've been able to be fairly independent up until now. My older sister is close to them and I visit pretty often since they are a four hour drive from NOLA. At this point my mom's dementia has progressed enough that my dad can't handle her on his own anymore. We've looked at all the options and with the U.S. healthcare system as it is, there is no freakin way my mom or dad are going into a nursing home to be parked in a hallway just waiting to die. Additionally, being in the south and what they could afford with just Medicare, the care would be basically shitty. They want to stay in their home, my sister's and I want them to stay in their home and be happy, as much as possible in these final years.

I'm the one, out of my two sister's who is able to make a change and become my folks full-time caregiver in their home. My work has given me a contract for a year to work part-time remotely. There's no guarantee that the contract will be extended; however, it does give me some time to figure my working shit out. I can't work full-time and care for my parents too. And honestly, it will be a relief to some extent to be able to basically work for myself. Working around my parent's schedule, I'll also have time to really work on writing the way I haven't been able to with the increasing and constant pressure my full-time managerial position has put me in the last three plus years.

I have no illusions, it's going to be difficult and a major adjustment. I've lived alone for twenty years! Well, me the the fur kids and sometimes my dad can be hard to handle and with the dementia, my mom can be hard to handle. So it's not going to be all rainbows and unicorns, but it does give me an opportunity to have a more flexible work schedule, extra time to write, and also explore.

So, the move will happen at the end of September, as the contract starts October 1st. I have to downsize significantly, which will be interesting to say the least.

I will not longer live in NOLA, but will always be Chestnut NOLA (aka The Nut) regardless of where I hang my hat.

Best, The Nut.

P.S. Orange Menace and Shy Dog are of course moving with me and have been to grandma and grandpa's for years. Harold enjoys staking out his territory at their place and will be bossing the folks around right quick, I'm sure.

Current Mood: determined

I haven't written since May 19th, almost three months next week. I was doing okay writing wise. I mainly kept to my writing routine, planned at the start of the year with the occasional two weeks of not-writing in between. The not-writing wasn't really due to The Excuses. As I've worked on Monstrous, I've realized the main reason for my bouts of non-writing, is a lack of confidence. It's taken the last three years, and writing on a longer work in a new fandom, as well as discovering the story I've plotted is going to be way beyond my intended 50K length to tell that I have a lot more confidence issues in regards to my writing and my writing process than I realized.

I don't have The Excuses for the lack of writing the last three months, but I will say that burnout due to work related stress is the culprit in truth. I think with the pandemic, the current political environment along with rampant obvious racism in our society, worry about getting sick, new working environments to stay safe, more responsibilities at work, and basically not being able to get out and actually do things as usual has caused my epic case of burnout. I know many people are feeling pressure at this time, so my situation isn't unique and I at least still have my job to pay the bills. I know a lot of folks who don't, so I'm very lucky and I know that. But, even knowing that doesn't negate being burned out and just plain tired all the time.

I've been exhausted and depressed and just not in the right frame of mind to write. I'm having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and that is just not who I am. I'm always up and out of bed before the alarm even goes off, but I've been having trouble not lingering in bed, sleeping too much on the weekends, with little drive to barely keep up with my normal chores. I just haven't wanted to face each day, so getting out of bed has been difficult, let alone trying to write.

It's not a good thing. It's a vicious cycle, because I'm happier when I am writing at the butt-crack of dawn even when a story is giving fits.

I'm working on bringing myself out of the blues, and the occasional pep talk on my journal is needed and helpful. So, pep talk here it is.

I have three WIPs I want to finish by the end of the year.

Mornings (James Bond) novella most likely will come in around 24K.

Monstrous (Teen Wolf) novel (aka The Beast) that I'm hoping won't go much past 100K.

Unknowing (James Bond) novella and a Sentinel Fusion story I started in 2018 that should come in around 25K, though it was originally planned as a 15K short story. Another situation where the story I want to tell is slightly bigger than originally intended.

It's all a learning process and I do embrace that even if it causes my confidence to flag on occassion.

I have 90,554 words of first draft writing for these three projects to finish by the end of the year or 4 months.

So on average ~23K/month which is totally doable even with my ridiculous writing process. I would love to be able to get 10K a week done, but it's just not realistic for me. I need to take back my writing time and my writing time isn't spent just sprinting out the first draft. My writing time is a combination of 25 minute sprints, sketching out scenes and chapters before I write, reviewing and self-editing chapters after they are written before moving on to the next one. I need that review to go over the points in my plot I've covered and what plot threads are still lingering. I need the self-edit to smooth out the narrative because honestly, I love sprinting but the work is extremely choppy and sometimes something comes out that just doesn't make a lick of sense. I have to fix those issues before I move on and continue building the story.

It's a slow process but I do feel my draft at the end of it is pretty solid.

Anywhoo, 5 to 7K per week is realistic with how I write and in the end how much I like the story is all that matters even when it comes out slow as molasses in January.

The first three chapters of Mornings are on AO3 and the parts of the drafts I have completed for Unknowing and Monstrous are published currently on The Wild Hare Project.

Best, The Nut.

P.S. Also, being involved in Fandom is starting to help bring me out of the blues, as well. It's the time of year I moderate the 00Q Reverse Big Bang! Art and Writing Challenge and I had to sort my self out recently to get everything launched. It's taken focus that I just haven't had for anything other than my daily work grind and has made me very happy.

Current Mood: awake

I was sitting outside on my porch this morning having my first cup of joe when two African American males walked by me. One was young, probably late teens or early twenties, the other older and most likely the young man's father. We exchanged hello's and agreed it was too early in the morning to be awake, being that it was just gone five-thirty am.

As they walked next-door the older gentleman turned and said to me, "We come in peace and don't want any trouble." I was flummoxed for a moment and said "Of course, no worries," and they continued to enter the house next door. The house next door is an Air B&B my landlord runs so I expect strangers to be there on a fairly regular basis. But, that's not the point.

I am furious and incredibly sad that people of color in our country have to constantly be on guard because they aren't safe due to the systemic racism that is threaded throughout our society, socially, economically, and politically. I have worked for an interracial institution for over fifteen years. With what my African American colleagues have to put up with daily, and what I see in the news about what people of color are experiencing and have been experiencing for decades; I shouldn't have been surprised by the fact that two African American males were worried the middle-aged white lady sipping coffee on her front porch at five-thirty in the morning might call the cops due to their presence next-door.

Racism is one of the great tragedies of our society.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: sad

I have not been writing. I have not been writing consistently or enthusiastically when I do attempt to write. In 2019, I did not post any stories nor did I complete any projects. Writing that out sounds and reads just terrible, but perhaps I need to write it, see it and hear it in my head.

I wrote a total of 15,639 words in 2019 on a story that is still not complete with only approximately 6,000 words to go.

Looking at that, it seems ridiculous.

In reality, and this is something I haven’t wanted to admit to myself…

I have not been actually writing except in occasional fits and spurts since November 2016 when I attempted National Novel Writing Month that year to start my first original novel.

I have all the excuses… I got derailed by family issues, I’m stressed out at work, I’ve had chronic pain, I had to have a double knee replacement, I don’t have enough pre-writing work completed and don’t know what or how I’m going to write the story, I’ve been depressed, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam.

Oh, and my cat, Harold won’t leave my laptop or me alone while I’m trying to write.

All of these excuses are true. All of these excuses don’t mean a damn thing except I’m failing if I don’t do what I really want to do, write.

So 2020 (and I’m talking to you, The Nut), no excuses, just write.

Projects 2020:

Mornings (James Bond) novella, which was for last year’s 00Q Reverse Big Bang! I feel terrible for my artist, who has been waiting for months and months for me to finish this story. It is the only story that I wrote on in 2019 and I still didn't finish it with 6K or so to go.

00Q Reverse Big Bang! (James Bond) short story, which is for this year’s challenge and that due date is coming up soon. I’m the moderator for the 00Q RBB and this year I’ve insisted all stories must be complete to post and be part of the challenge, so I’m including myself in this as well. Nut! You better get a move on! I have a good idea of how the story will go and I have started it.

Quantum Bang (Fandom Secret), which I can’t say much about except the story must be 50K and is due March 15th. It is in a new fandom for me and I’m really excited about it. The first QB I participated as an artist, though I did sign up as a writer then completely bombed on doing the writing work for it and had to then bow out of the writing portion of the challenge.

Unknowing (James Bond/Sentinel Fusion) a novella was started during 2018’s July Rough Trade Challenge hosted by Keira Marcos. It’s the Year of the Sentinel on RT and I would love to participate, but I have to be realistic. If I get my pending projects done, perhaps I’ll be able to participate in one of the three challenges this year.

The Descendant (Stargate Atlantis) was started during 2017’s July Rough Trade Challenge, so I have bombed on RT two years in a row, which is why I didn’t even think to sign up in 2019. I’m about 5K into a 10 episode series. I have a lot of the plotting and world-building done. I love everything about what I’ve done on it.

Crescent City Boogaloo (Original Fiction) is the project I started in November 2016 with great momentum. I’m still obsessed with it and have written on it on and off the last three years, but I’ve only got 12,424 words in on a planned 80,000-word novel. I love the characters, I love the plotting I’ve done, and I love how I’ve written on it so far.

Writing Goal and Resolution:

I will write every day and get into the habit of daily writing. I know there will be some days when it will be impossible to write due to one thing or another with real life, but not because I’m getting in my own way with THE EXCUSES.

No excuses and shooting for 800 to 1,000 words per day.

This is a realistic goal for me and for my slow writing speed. I am a morning person and that is when I have the time and the energy to write. I get up at the butt-crack of dawn every day now and instead of not writing, I’m going to write.

With the projects listed above, a daily habit of 800 to 1,000 words will let me reach the goals of finishing these stories I have in my head all of the time. In total, with what word count I currently have on these projects, my goal for the year is 261,659 words. It’s completely doable and averages out to 22,000 words per month.

So, no excuses.

The Positives:

2019 hasn’t been a complete scourge for me in reality. Some really wonderful things did happen.

My knees got fixed! I am officially a Cyborg!

It’s all very Star Trek, which I can get behind. I had double knee replacement surgery in July and I am truly thrilled with the results. I have no pain in my knees and can now stand for long periods and actually walk my dog again. Though, Myrtle (aka shy dog) is never enthusiastic about going for a walk. I can only think her rescue from the wilds of Mississippi has made her a complete homebody, but I enjoy our walks around my historic New Orleans neighborhood. I also have a lot more energy than I’ve had in a very long time. It was an intense experience and painful, but I had a great network of family, friends, and work support that made the surgery and my recovery a positive experience. I still have chronic pain issues, since I have both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia, but for the moment both conditions are managed and I’m feeling really good physically.

I moderated another successful 00Q Reverse Big Bang! art and writing challenge and with some help from MinMu; we saved all of the challenge’s art and fan fiction links 2014-2018 from the Tumblr purge. I also set up Art Galleries on the 00Q RBB WordPress for folks to enjoy.

I participated as an artist for the first-ever Quantum Bang Challenge hosted by Jilly James. I did fourteen pieces of digital art for Jilly’s brilliant Teen Wolf story, Unobstructed Views. I had a great time making the pieces and got a bit obsessed, truth be told since I loved the story so much.

I also participated as an artist for the Criminal Minds Reverse Big Bang! and got a wonderful and magical story by DarkJediQueen, By the Rise and the Set. It was really fun seeing what she was inspired to write based on the one piece of art I did for the challenge.

Lastly, and I’m still squeaking internally and occasionally externally about it, I received a gorgeous piece of original art based on my Criminal Mind series, Transference. The art, Convergence was done by hazeydazey and it is just so beautiful I have no words. My iPhone is a bad influence, but I love that I have hazeydazey’s art as the background. I get to see it every day and every day it reminds me that yes, I can write and yes, I can write stories that people enjoy.

I love Fandom.

I love Writing.

No Excuses.

Best, The Nut.

P.S. There's no such thing as writer's block unless you have a cat! I will work to keep the Harold (aka The Orange Menace) situation under control during my daily scheduled writing time.

Current Mood: determined

This morning I received an original piece of art for my Criminal Mind/Sentinel Fusion series Transference by the artist, hazeydazey on AO3. Still, hours later, I am floored and amazed and just so damn happy to have received it. I’m barely coherent in between squeeing in excitement and hugging myself silly!

This gift was unexpected.

This gift is beautiful.

This gift represents all that is good and great about fandom and being a participant in fandom.

I love seeing original art from fan artists and I know there are hours and hours of work that go into completing a piece of art whether it be a digital painting or done in a traditional medium. Writers in fandom are blessed with talent and many of our Readers are talented artists who willingly work to let us know how much they love our stories through their art.

I’m privileged to be a recipient of one such generous artist’s work today and I’m so glad my story series Transference touched them enough to inspire them.

They have inspired me, as well.

I have had a fourth novel in the series put on the backburner for a long while now. hazeydazey’s gift has inspired me to dust the idea off after more than a few years and start planning what I’m going to do with it. It’s definitely going on my writing homework list for publication next year.

Thank you, hazeydazey your art is just amazing and so gorgeous that words don’t do it justice.

Thank you to all of our wonderful Fan Artists. You don’t get enough credit for your work, but I know that fandom writers, readers, and artists, participants, and lurkers enjoy seeing the wonderful art produced in fandom immensely.

You can read the Transference series on my website or AO3!

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: excited

I have never kept a resolution in my life, and I'm okay with that. That said, I'm thinking of 2019 along the lines of goals rather than resolutions. There are things I want to do and things I need to do that will help me be a happier and healthier person. So, Goals!

1. Write regularly, as opposed to in fits and spirts. Try not to focus solely on how slow a writer I am and come to grips with the fact I cannot write as fast as other writers. Comparisionitis will only frustrate me.

2. Deal with why I procrastinate whether it's procrastinating on writing or other elements of my life. Identify, the reasons behind my procrastination and get into new habits of non-procrastination.

3. Address my chronic pain issues to the best of my ability and make strides to be healthier. I found out recently I have double knee replacements in my not too distant future. How can I hold off on surgery? Should I hold off on surgery? I have some big decisions to make and I need to determine how I can be functional this year and in the future.

4. Stop dreaming and get doing. It's all on me to do what I need to do, to be who I want to be, and to make changes for the better.

5. Allow myself to occasionally fail without recriminations. Get back up, dust myself off and try again.

Goals are good and focusing on them rather than allowing distractions, whether real or imagined, will help me in the short and long-term.

Current Mood: contemplative

I'm talking about my own WIPs not anyone else's. I can't seem to have WIPs pending or work on more than one WIP at a time whether it's fanfiction or original fiction. I think having multiple WIPs has encouraged my lack of writing focus and just the plain old ongoing epic bout of procrastination I've been experiencing for a long time.

I currently have four WIPs that were started over the last two years, and I'll be adding a project for a fandom challenge to the list this fall.

Many authors, whether they're writing professionally or in fandom, can have a huge back list of WIPs going on or are able to work on more than one story at a time. I really admire their ability to do this; however, I am truly incapable of doing this or being that kind of writer. This conclusion, and I wouldn't even call it an epiphany, has been brought home to me over the last two years by my lack of output. I'm just finding it really hard to make myself sit my butt in the chair, write, and get shit done.

Over the last two years I've bombed on three writing challenges I've attempted with stories I am really excited about. In particular, my first original novel, which I started during NaNo 2016. I started like gang busters, but allowed RL and my own tendency to get in my own way to derail me. I hesitated trying to smooth out my writing process. I was stopped by my inability to focus on the pre-writing work that needed to be done. Needless to say, two years later I am only 12K in on an 80K novel without any excuse besides me being me.

I just can't deal with my unfinished work and until I deal with it, I won't get anything else done or reach my goals. I'm impatient though and talking myself down from the ledge of impatience, which just adds unneeded stress, is going to be an ongoing thing.

So my writing schedule is set until at least August. I have four fanfiction WIPs and one original novel to get done. To get them done, I'm going to do what I do best, focus on only one at a time.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: melancholy

I'm a fussy reader.

I'm not talking about being a fusspot about grammar boo boos or warnings I avoid.

I'm talking about why I like to read in fandom and what I look for when reading in fandom.

Canon Elements.

For me that's the whole point. Of course, all fanfiction is AU (Alternative Universe) to some extent to account for a writer's idea or character adjustments to account for a OTP. But, I rarely read what I call Pure AU's (PAU) where canon characters are dropped into a completely different setting or circumstance to canon. I won't say I never read them, since I have read some fantastic PAU's from authors whose work I've enjoyed. But in general, when looking for a story to read in fandom, I want the canon elements of setting and character to be present.

That's the point for me. I love the shows or movies from which I want to read fanfiction.

I want Spock to be Vulcan and on the Enterprise. I want Merlin to have magic and live in Camelot with Prince/King Arthur. I want James Bond to be an MI6 agent. I want Spencer Reid and the BAU catching serial killers. I want Derek Hale to be a werewolf and Stiles to be human.

That's a lot of I wants! And perhaps it sounds like I'm entitled reader, but I would never dictate to a writer what they should write. It's just what I'm looking for when I read in fandom.

I've read some fantastic PAU's in fandom. Mad Lori's Performance in a Leading Role comes to mind or mattmetzger's A Temporary Madness. But in general, a PAU is not what I'm looking for as a reader in fandom. I see PAU's as closely related to original fiction where the setting and world building is completely separate from canon. Where only the character names and perhaps, if the writer has the ability, elements of the canon character's personality comes through.

I've recently fell down the pit of despair (and I mean that only in humor) that is Teen Wolf after years of resisting watching the show. Needless to say, I've been in a real bing on it lately, and I've only found a few stories that have the canon elements I'm looking for. One of which I highly recommend,

Pale Skin and Fragile Bone by fakinbrilliance

All of the canon elements I love are there. Stiles is human and I see this as special since he's the only human without supernatural abilities in the main cast of characters that make up the show. The setting is in canon with a new supernatural adventure to explore. This story hits all of the canon elements I'm looking for while still being divergent from canon and well written.

I have similar problems to finding stories I want to read in the Merlin (BBC) fandom. There are so many modern PAUs in that fandom, where Merlin is not magical and the past of Camelot is non-existent. That's not to say those stories aren't good or even excellent writing. Its just not what I'm looking for as a reader in the fandom. I want to read in the Canon Era of Merlin and it seems the majority of stories in that fandom are done in a modern setting without any of the canon elements I love. I have found some wonderful reincarnation stories that still have the canon elements I'm looking for as a reader. A wonderful example and an awesome story, I highly recommend is katherynefromphilly's, And like the cycle of the year, we begin again.

And all these "I Wants" as a reader in fandom, is not to say I would never write a PAU. It could happen, if a plot bunny bit me on the butt hard enough.

But, in general, PAU's are not what I'm looking for when I want to read in fandom.

Best, The Nut

Current Mood: contemplative

Word count, can be a wonderful and distracting statistic to use. Writers judge whether they're doing well in getting the words out as quickly as possible or judge others for prolific writing. It's difficult not to compare yourself to other writers. I've gotten passed that for the most part. The elusive 5 to 10 K day, I know is impossible for me and for the most part during the working week over 1.5K/day is.

I wrote 2,257 words today on the first day of April's Camp Nano. Since I started writing, I've come to terms with the fact I am a very slow writer, usually no more than 500 words/hour, if I'm lucky. Sprinting with my Cabin Members in thirty minutes spurts and a few times on my own throughout the day was great. The one thing that I'm trying not to do is self-edit as I go. It's difficult. I chose my words carefully and it makes me very slow. However, I refrained from self editing today, for the most part, and increased my hourly word count on average to 900. It's a break through for me but I have learned something significant about myself and my writing over the last few years.

I have a lot of trouble re-writing. Writing fast, or what I would consider fast 1.5K or more an hour, does not and will not work well for me in my process. My first drafts don't change significantly to my final drafts. I do add and re-write, but not drastically where the final draft is unrecognizable from my first go. Honestly, I don't want my final draft to read so completely different from the first draft. Tweaking, adding texture, correcting sentences structure are all things I don't have a problem doing, but complete re-writing I'm pretty much not comfortable doing at this point.

That might change in the future, and perhaps my word count will continue to increase over time. That would be lovely but I do not want to have to re-write to the point I have to throw my words away. If going slower means less words, but also less re-writing, I'm good with that.

I'm a slow writer. I sped it up today and it was fabulous. I have a lot of self editing to do on what I wrote today. It's Nano and I'm trying to get a first draft done on an 80K novel. I'm going to try to keep my OCD of self-editing to the minimum and hopefully keep up the pace for the next few months until my first draft is done.

900 Word Per Hour

Sound and feels really good to me.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: accomplished

I just finished reading through Self-Editing for Fiction Writers: How to edit yourself into print by Renni Browne and David King.

I've only been writing for two and a half years and I've seen so much improvement in my work since that first story in July 2015. A few months ago, I decided in reading through my older works, to do some editing over the course of the next year to apply what I've learned. I found Self-Editing for Fiction Writers is a good book to take a gander at if you're thinking of self-editing your own work. Between reading books about the craft of writing like Self-Editing, listening to writing podcasts, and just writing and working to improve, I can see my rookie mistakes glaring at me from the pages of my early works.

The scourge that is the epithet is most noticeable in my early works. Forsaken has over a hundred epithet's describing Q as "the boffin" or "his boffin" and have to at some point let those go, go, go!

The use of as or ing is overdone in most of my works.

My dialogue mechanics, I think are generally good, but could use a bit less terms describing emotion, when the dialog by itself is perfectly cable of bringing the emotional state of a character across. Over using Dialog Tags in my earlier work is also another sin that needs some serious self-editing.

I'm getting better at using beats, and my proportion in regards to description is better than it was at the start, but I do have to be mindful of not overdoing my descriptions. However, I have had readers tell me that like my descriptive "style," so I do need to be wary of stripping too much of that aspect of my writing out. Trying to find a balance between all the elements of writing is the biggest challenge of all. Too much or too little of dialog, internal monologue, exposition, and description makes a piece of writing extremely unbalanced and affects the mood, flow, and pace of a story IMHO.

Overall, I'm happy with my author voice, the structures of my plots, pace, and characterizations. I do think working on self-edting and applying what I've learned to my early works will definitely improve my overall writing ability.

I'm still a Rookie, but I'm learning.

Current Mood: optimistic

There is a discussion going on today in one of the fandom groups about "constructive criticism" and one author replied that they believe that once you publish, ownership of the work is no longer solely the property of the author.

I disagree vehemently with this opinion. No matter whether you're a fanfiction author or are a original fiction author, publishing a story does not give ownership of your hard work and words to the reader. Yes, readers are your audience and a vital component to being a writer, but as an author, my stories, my words are my own. The amount of work put in to crafting a story, be it short or long, all comes from me, my time, and my devotion to creating a work that I ultimately want to read. Writing is very personal, very intimate, and yes, when you publish traditionally the end product (at least for a time) does belong to the publisher; however, the words written are still the authors words, my words.

Readers are wonderful, an audience to the intimate nature of the mind that is an author's work, but they ultimately do not and can not take ownership of an author's words.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: contemplative

I've seen a lot of writers lately, on a variety of social media groups, not really owning the fact that the stories they write come from them. They will say a variety of the following:

My characters wanted to go this way, not the way I intended.

I don't know where my story is going, but the characters will decide.

etc., etc., etc...

As a writer, my stories come from me.

Every thing that happens in one of my stories, came from my brain, my life experiences, and my ability to research for information I don't know.

If a story changes direction away from my initial plan, which happens occasionally that is on me. My plots and characterization do evolve as I write, as solutions to problems or new ideas come to me during the writing process. Characterization is important and should IMHO be consistent from beginning to end, but characters should change and grow and be a bit different by the end of the story.

I have to admit, it drives me batshit (at least privately... most of the time), when a writer doesn't take ownership of their work and talent in this fashion.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: aggravated

I've had a bit of a slow start to the Rough Trade Writing Challenge this week. It was a bit unexpected that writing in a new fandom would slow down my process significantly. Having struggled a bit this week, I realized that 1) I'm writing a Stargate Atlnatis Post-Season 5 story, so I don't have the earlier part of the series to work with event wise and 2) I'm also writing an original main character, as well as secondary characters with quite a bit of world building since there's a limited amount of information on the Ancients/Alterans and in turn Sateda in canon.

The first two initial scenes took quite a bit of my allocated writing time this week to get sorted, but the rhythm and pace of the story and characterizations are smoothing themselves out. My writing speed should finally start picking up now that I have my introductory bits sorted out. As usual, there is humor in my writing (at least when it comes to John and Rodney), which seems to be almost involuntary on my part. Overall, I'm happy with the start of the piece.

Even with my snails pace (500 words/hour if it's going well), I should still be done with the first episode of The Descendant by the due date of July 14th.

Current Mood: accomplished

Well, I have my external events plotted out for The Descendant (Stargate Atlantis) series of episodes, so I'm happy about that. I do find the internal motivations for my characters more elusive in regards to the romantic aspects of the story. This always happens to me when I'm plotting. Sometimes, the character backgrounds I write do help in this regard, but not always. I find it particularly difficult when I'm writing in two main character's POVs, both of which have separate love interests (not each other). I've only done this in one other story, Find My Love with Danny and Sherlock. At that time I tried plotting external motivations and internal motivations separately for each of my main characters. I found that very difficult and ended up just using my main plotting document, adding what I could as I went.

These issues in writing always take a lot of time to work out and usually, I don't have all my ducks in a row before I write. It's a bit scary to me that my process is so fluid in this way. Ideas and solutions don't come all at once. I don't see the big picture at the beginning. It all comes as I write throughout the whole piece. Luckily, I always have a beginning and usually the end sorted before I write. I've only been able to plot out fully one story since I started writing fiction two years ago. It took me months to do and in the end, those elusive ideas and solutions were added to and changed as I wrote anyway. I would call myself a plotter (in general), but there's a lot of pantsing my ass off in my work as well.

I do wish I could see the whole picture before hand, especially for longer works. But, my process doesn't happen that way and I'm coming to accept that as a writer. In accepting that concept, I'm less trepidatious about writing to some extent. However, it also makes being a WIP writer a dangerous row to hoe, at least for me.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: contemplative

I have a couple of projects, in two new fandoms (at least for me writing wise) in the works, both of which are a bit different than what I've done before. The first is an Alpha/Beta/Omega action adventure romance for BBC's Merlin. The story length is planned at 50K and since this will be the first time writing an A/B/O, I'll be posting it as a WIP on The Wild Hare Project. The second project is in the Stargate Atlantis fandom, in which I've been a long time reader (and lurker). I'll be participating in the July 2017 Rough Trade Writing Challenge: Battle of the Five Fandoms hosted by Keira Marcos with this project. The challenge is to write in episode format for one of the five television series listed. Each episode is suppose to be a short story 5-15K in length. Writing in an episode format will be quite different to what I’m use to. The series for The Descendant is currently being plotted as a ten episode series and I’m going to shoot for on average 10K per episode.

I'm a bit trepidatious about writing both projects, but that is the point in challenging yourself and doing something different. I love both fandoms and both bunnies bit me in the behind last year and have been on my mind ever since since.

Best, The Nut.

Merlin is hiding more than his Magic from the King of Camelot.

Title: Camouflage

Author: Chestnut NOLA

Fandom: Merlin (Canon-Era)

Relationship(s): Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Genre: A/B/O Dynamics, Romance, Suspense, Action and Adventure

Word Count: 50K (estimated)

An Ancient warship finds Atlantis and the crew consists of the direct descendants of the Alterans. A small contingent that has been in hiding in Pegasus for millennia. They can no longer sustain their population and had heard rumors of the Earth colonists on Atlantis. Captain Theodorus Mauritius Pastorem is a young, but experienced leader determined to find a safe harbor for what is left of his crew. Many have already ascended, but the Descendants that are left are not done living and fighting the creation of their ancestors.

Title: The Descendant

Author: Chestnut NOLA

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Genre: Romance, suspense

Relationship(s): Theodorus Mauritius Pastorem (OMC)/Ronon Dex; John Sheppard/Rodney McKay

Warnings: Canon-level violence, explicit sex

Word Count (estimated): 100,000

Descendant: Theodorus Mauritius Pastorem [Theodore Maurice Pastor aka Theo]

Current Mood: contemplative

I'm currently plotting a Merlin novella that will finally dip my trepidatious toe in the A/B/O Trope. There are many aspects of the Trope I dislike and many that I like, so I'm doing my own take on it to keep myself happy. I do anticipate that some readers might not like what I do with the Trope, but I'm going to take that risk regardless.

For me, a character's ability to have free will is important and much of the A/B/O Trope takes free will away from the character's involved. Merlin in my view is a very independent person regardless of his servitude to Arthur and his duty to Destiny, so allowing him to have a choice in the matter of sex and "mating" is an important aspect of his character, and in turn how I'll write him.

I am a bit uncomfortable with dealing with gender issues, and possibly the changes to the trope I intend will be seen as a cop out. I really don't have any control (at least I don't think I do) in regards to readers interpretation of my work. The possibility of being accused of internalized misogyny again, is a risk I think that is inherent in the A/B/O Trope and one I'm willing to take.

Sex, race, religion, gender, are all areas/themes in fiction that can be difficult for writers to portray honestly without some sort of backlash. It's a sticky wicket, but being a writer who only takes the safe road or portray's the mainstream ideal rather than take on the challenge of the new, unknown, or unfamiliar does not allow for personal growth.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: contemplative

I could never relate to people who complained of chronic or arthritis pain in my youth. I was unsympathetic, thinking they were seeking attention or making their pain seem more than what it actually was. Even having been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and dealing with the chronic pain of it all through the nineties really didn't change my idea of it. It was regularly troublesome and there were days that I was debilitated by it, until it was finally managed with medication and proper sleep. It's been managed for fourteen years with only the occasional flare. I was fine, I was doing well and having stiffness in the mornings was so commonplace it didn't even bother me anymore, once I got moving.

Fibromyalgia did not prepare me for the pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis. The muscle pain of Fibromyalgia does not compare to the pain of an RA flare (at least for me). I was diagnosed with it in the fall of 2014, brought on by environmental factors and possibly genetics. The only reason I knew what was probably occurring was because my twin sister had been diagnosed. It took her doctors three years to figure out what was wrong with her, so I was lucky in that regard.

I've been having a flare since Friday while traveling and at a professional conference. When you have pain in multiple joints (hip, knee, and toe on one side of the body, and wrist on the other side), just sitting for hours is torture, getting out of an airplane seat and shouldering your carry-on a teeth gritting experience. That flare settled down yesterday morning only to be replaced in the exact opposite joints today. It makes concentrating on anything except waiting for it to pass difficult. I'm typing one handed, which is the B-word all around. My RA flares seem to do this, they will occur in multiple joints, stay in those joints for about twenty-four to forty-eight hours, then migrate to the exact opposite joints. It's really unbelievable and scary feeling so old and gimpy, when I know I have a bit of time before I can really own the whole Little Old Lady salutation.

If you have chronic pain, I get you now and I'm sorry I never took it seriously before.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: crappy

It is disheartening to realize that some things fandom has done in the past, are no where to be found on the internet now. About ten years ago, circa 2007 there was an free online e-magazine called, Forbidden Fruit.

It's tag line was something like "fiction for women who like men, who like men" or to that affect. It was publishing original stories by fanfiction authors, some of whom I know were published at some point afterward. It was edited by a few devoted hard working fan author souls and was truly unique at that time, (at least from what I could tell immersed in my lurking phase). It was fiction, specifically admitting that women were reading and writing slash, and enjoying the hell out of it without shame.

I have been unable to find even a digital footprint of it (and as a warning, actually googling the words forbidden fruit in any form is not a good idea). *clears throat*

So, just a question to the wider world or possibly anyone who remembers this publication. If you know where it is hiding, please let me know.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: curious

My grandpa served in WWI.

I asked him about his experience once, when he was about 90 years old. He was a medic working to bring the wounded in from No Man's Land, through mud, blood, and bombs. After a few minutes and one funny story about taking a bath outside in the middle of winter with ice ringed around the top of the tub. He started to tell me of an experience bringing in the wounded. After that second story, he paused, looked away and said, "Honey, I can't talk about this."

I don't think he ever told anyone about his experiences in The Great War.

Seeing the promos for the newest PBS documentary on the war got me thinking about Gramps. I was only 19 when I asked him such a serious question, not really realizing how serious a question it was for someone that experienced such horror. I always saw him as beloved Gramps, hollering with a slight Scottish Brogue, since he was always turning off his hearing aids to save the batteries (he got them free from the Veterans Hospital BTW, the old cheapskate). He was elf-like, with his big ears and nose that had continued to grow in his old age. His trousers belted just below his armpits. He was really a ridiculous, but spirited sight. My dad is looking more and more like him, just as deaf, stubborn, and ridiculous as Gramps was.

The Great War on PBS Airs April 10th. I'll be watching.

Current Mood: contemplative

I'm currently working on my original novel, Crescent City Boogaloo that I started last November during NaNo. I got derailed on writing at that time due to RL issues between family and work, but I've been in a bit of a funk even before that time. I found my last novella, Divergence difficult to write even though it was the first story I had plotted completely prior to writing. I was happy with how it turned out, but getting in the writing mode was just difficult.

I've barely written since last summer. I'm burned out by my every day work and my father had some health issues that were stressful (he's fine now, just his usual old fart self). I had to put some planned projects on the hiatus, since I was just not prepared to work on them. Dropping out of the Criminal Minds Big Bang (as a writer) and also removing my pinch hit story for the 00Q Reverse Big Bang has stuck in my craw. Those stories weren't going anywhere and it was bothering me more than I can express.

RL stress does affect every aspect of a person's life, and I know I'm not the only one to go through a period of general procrastination, avoidance of things that need to be done, and just generally being down the the dumps. So nothing unusual about my situation at all and I know there are many people in the world who have it worse than me. I try to keep that in mind.

Normally, I don't share negativity in my fandom spaces (at least I try not to). I know writing (when I am writing) makes me really happy and that this funk of RL has to stop affecting that to this unbearable degree. I know complaining will not accomplish my goals, only getting down to business will.

So that's my plan. I'm participating in April's Camp NaNo to work on CCB. I'm only 1K in word count in after seven days. A truly under achievement showing on my part. I'm very inspired by the story I want to write and the character's I've created, so there's no reason not to get a move on with it. I'm also excited about my other planned projects for the year and would love to be able to work on all of them at the same time. Alas, with my limited free time, one project at a time is all I can do, otherwise I'd be writing and still not getting anything done!

Okay, so complaints done, personal pep talk done, now on to the show.

Best, The Nut.

Current Mood: calm

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chestnutnola

Chestnut NOLA

June 2022

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Chestnut NOLA

It's All About The Romance

Recent Entries

Wow, it has been a long time

2020 The Final Stretch Writing Wise

Society: Anger and Sadness

2019 Review and 2020 Plans (or Dreams)

Original Art and Fandom Love

Goals vs. Resolutions

I Can't Deal With WIPs

Reading in Fandom

I've Been Thinking About Word Count Lately

Writing Craft: My Rookie Mistakes

Ownership

Writers Make The Decisions

Writing in a New Fandom

External Motivation versus Internal Motivation

Current Projects

Alpha/Beta/Omega Trope

The Debilitating Nature of Chronic Pain

Forbidden Fruit and the Ephemeral Nature of the Internet

The Great War on PBS

Mojo Blues

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June 2022

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