Chestnut NOLA

A long long time since my last post complaining about not writing. And not much has changed on that front. I've even stepped back from fandom to some extent, though still keeping up as best I can with the 00Q Reverse Big Bang. I think everything I said was true in my last post, I've been burned out, stressed, sick because of stress, and basically exhausted all the time. I haven't seemed to have been able to get myself out of my funk over the past almost two plus years.

Now, I really don't have a choice anymore. Things are changing and hopefully, fingers crossed, it will be a positive change.

My folks are elderly going on 83 years old, my mom has been struggling with dementia the last five or so years, and my pops has heart trouble, as well as physical limitations due to extreme arthritis. Needless to say, they've been able to be fairly independent up until now. My older sister is close to them and I visit pretty often since they are a four hour drive from NOLA. At this point my mom's dementia has progressed enough that my dad can't handle her on his own anymore. We've looked at all the options and with the U.S. healthcare system as it is, there is no freakin way my mom or dad are going into a nursing home to be parked in a hallway just waiting to die. Additionally, being in the south and what they could afford with just Medicare, the care would be basically shitty. They want to stay in their home, my sister's and I want them to stay in their home and be happy, as much as possible in these final years.

I'm the one, out of my two sister's who is able to make a change and become my folks full-time caregiver in their home. My work has given me a contract for a year to work part-time remotely. There's no guarantee that the contract will be extended; however, it does give me some time to figure my working shit out. I can't work full-time and care for my parents too. And honestly, it will be a relief to some extent to be able to basically work for myself. Working around my parent's schedule, I'll also have time to really work on writing the way I haven't been able to with the increasing and constant pressure my full-time managerial position has put me in the last three plus years.

I have no illusions, it's going to be difficult and a major adjustment. I've lived alone for twenty years! Well, me the the fur kids and sometimes my dad can be hard to handle and with the dementia, my mom can be hard to handle. So it's not going to be all rainbows and unicorns, but it does give me an opportunity to have a more flexible work schedule, extra time to write, and also explore.

So, the move will happen at the end of September, as the contract starts October 1st. I have to downsize significantly, which will be interesting to say the least.

I will not longer live in NOLA, but will always be Chestnut NOLA (aka The Nut) regardless of where I hang my hat.

Best, The Nut.

P.S. Orange Menace and Shy Dog are of course moving with me and have been to grandma and grandpa's for years. Harold enjoys staking out his territory at their place and will be bossing the folks around right quick, I'm sure.

I have never kept a resolution in my life, and I'm okay with that. That said, I'm thinking of 2019 along the lines of goals rather than resolutions. There are things I want to do and things I need to do that will help me be a happier and healthier person. So, Goals!

1. Write regularly, as opposed to in fits and spirts. Try not to focus solely on how slow a writer I am and come to grips with the fact I cannot write as fast as other writers. Comparisionitis will only frustrate me.

2. Deal with why I procrastinate whether it's procrastinating on writing or other elements of my life. Identify, the reasons behind my procrastination and get into new habits of non-procrastination.

3. Address my chronic pain issues to the best of my ability and make strides to be healthier. I found out recently I have double knee replacements in my not too distant future. How can I hold off on surgery? Should I hold off on surgery? I have some big decisions to make and I need to determine how I can be functional this year and in the future.

4. Stop dreaming and get doing. It's all on me to do what I need to do, to be who I want to be, and to make changes for the better.

5. Allow myself to occasionally fail without recriminations. Get back up, dust myself off and try again.

Goals are good and focusing on them rather than allowing distractions, whether real or imagined, will help me in the short and long-term.